RANDOM.

I had one big reason to walk away

...


yet you give me more reasons to stay anyway.





:)

01.07.10

My 2010 begins today.


I start work on Monday...







and I'm starting over with Alex.







Happy thoughts. Good vibes.
Come here, new year... Let's hug.

DEFLATED.

Nothing is going right.
Everything I do just backfires on me.
It's like somebody out there just doesn't want me to happy,
to have things go my way.
Maybe I just had my way for so long now that I should go through something like this.
Everything just seems so unreal.
I feel like such a bad person to deserve something like this.
I have nothing to hold on to anymore.
Someone messed me up.
I messed someone up.
And I just feel so stupid.

EMPTY.

I just want to get away. Far, far away from here... where I can't hurt anyone. Everything is just so messed up. I am so exhausted and so emotionally drained. I don't know what's keeping me sane anymore.

My heart is just too stubborn. I never know when to stop, when to say that is enough is enough. I do not know what's good for me anymore. I don't know what I want.

I wish there was an easy way out of this... but I know that I have to be brave and strong enough to face everything. And just trust that one day, everything will be alright... that things will fall into place.

I will be happy again... someday, somehow.