TOO MUCH?

I'm feeling a bit too much and thinking a bit too much. I guess today was just so overwhelming. I'm talking in riddles here so let me make this clear by telling you why today was so eventful for me in so many ways.


*Excuse me if it seems like I'm blabbing away or what, there's just this ridiculous party of thoughts in my head right now.*


I woke up today planning to go to my old workplace so I can follow up on my clearance. This is seriously eating up my patience and giving me a headache. I don't understand why people make it so hard for me to finish it. I just want to get it over with! But surprise! It's that time of the month and my cramps are making it hard for me to move around. So being the lazy ass that I am, I decided to skip that plan instead. (And I regret it now, ugh.) Alex went ahead and took care of her errands while I nursed my bad cramps. And slept some more.


Alex and I had lunch near her workplace as I had some business there as well. I had an appointment at 3:00PM and by 3:45PM I was signing a new contract. Yes, my friends, I am now officially employed again. I am back in the BPO industry so wish me lots and lots of luck because I am seriously gonna need it. Cheers to a new beginning!


After about an hour of reading and filling out form after form after form, I was feeling rather exhausted and... sad. I was a bit confused as to why I was feeling that way after being offered and accepting a new job. I guess it's just me eating my words that I will never go back to a job in a call center. But I guess it's not so bad. I have decided that I am going to make the best out of this and who knows? Maybe this is where my star will shine the most. *Fingers crossed* Anyway, I start my training on Monday which brings me to why I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now.


I will miss not going to work. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I now have a job. It's just that, I felt things happened so fast that I didn't expect I'd start working so soon after I've been interviewed. I felt I didn't give myself enough time to psych myself up. But I guess a month of rest is enough for me, I now have to go back to reality.


I only have 3 days. 3 days and I still have so much to do. So much! I have to go back to my old workplace to follow up on my clearance (I should've gone earlier today. Damn.) I still have to complete my requirements and this includes a medical check up, getting an NBI and Police Clearance (which is a total headache I'm sure!), tidy up the house, get boxes for when we move out AND on Sunday, I will be helping out on the wedding of my friend's (who's an event coordinator) client. It's a whole day event so good luck to me and my feet.


How do I find time to bond with Alex before I start working again? I was so looking forward to this weekend but apparently, the universe has a different plan for me. Sigh.


And speaking of the universe having a different plan... I was planning on relaxing for a bit tonight knowing I'd be having a long and packed weekend but when I went online, I immediately wished I hadn't. I saw something that broke my heart. I can't tell you what, forgive me. It's just something I'd rather keep to myself at this time because it's too personal. Luckily, I was able to chat with a friend and after that, I felt more positive. I guess I just chose to be. The important thing I learned is that there are just some things that we have to accept no matter how painful. And if you really believe, things will fall into place... someday. Like I said to my friend, I'm still wishing for that one day but maybe it's gonna be a long wait.


Let me end this post with a prayer simply because I haven't properly prayed in a long, long time. And I guess with all the things that happened to me today, all I really need is to be at peace with myself.




Dear God,


It has been a long while and I know you've been waiting for me. I'm sorry that it took me this long and I'm sorry that I always keep you waiting. Thank you because you never get tired of me, no matter how stubborn I am, no matter how many times I lose myself. It has been such a long day for me--I've gone from being nervous to being excited, adamant, sad, heartbroken, tired, hopeful and finally to just being grateful.


Lord, I thank you for the many blessings you give me everyday, for never letting me down, for always, always taking care of me, for all the miracles in my life, for never failing to provide.


Thank you for a new job and more than that, a new beginning. I will try and make the most out of this and give it all my best, unlike what I did to the many opportunities I was presented before. Maybe here, I will find my place. I pray for wisdom and strength, that I may go through everyday with my dreams always in sight.


Thank you for my family. They may not be perfect but they are mine and I could not ask for anything more. Lord, you know what's in my heart and you know what's in theirs. I do not ask for anything grand, I just pray that you always keep us together no matter what. I still hope for that one day even if it's a long shot. For this I pray for courage and love, in all its forms.


Thank you for true friends. Thank you for blessing me with such wonderful friends. Thank you for sending me an angel dear God. For her words, her honesty and positivity... thank you. For this angel I pray for love, courage, peace and the purest of JOY.


Thank you for the wonderful gift of love, for someone who makes me feel how it is to truly love and be loved. I pray for your guidance and blessing. And acceptance.


Amen.