FOR ALEX.

Everytime I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affection
You see me at my weakest yet you take me as I am
When I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course, you hold the line, you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me.
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'coz you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go.

You stay the course, you hold the line, you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me.
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.

You're love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm okay
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day.










... from end to end, love.

LOSER?

I am 23 and unemployed. I graduated from college 7 months ago. I've been living on my own for almost 3 years. I used to live with my partner in a nice apartment but we were forced to move out 'coz of the flood (Yes, it's still flooded). I am currently crashing in my family's home for almost 3 weeks now and I would very much like to get my life back again, to start all over in a new apartment which I am happy we found but not THAT happy about the whole place. It needs major cleaning and brightening up, too. I've been sitting in front of my laptop for hours now watching Gilmore Girls, playing Plock or Pet Society and browsing through Facebook alternately. And as I do everyday, I think about what I want to do with my life.

There are a lot of things I can say I want to do and I suppose there's plenty of time for it since I am still young but then, it is getting started that's taking so long and proving to be so tough. It's always the beginning that's the hardest. I want to be a part of the world of employment, I really do... I just can't figure out what exactly it is I want to do. I mean, I know I want to write, get my creative juices flowing and all but getting a decent work is so hard to come by these days. I've been sending applications online but one only ever responded and it wasn't exactly the best. I am starting to wonder how much of a loser I am (or at least my resume) for not getting offers or at least interviews. But then maybe I'm also not trying very hard. Then I also think that maybe, the position I've been applying for is just not for me. I get so confused and discouraged sometimes that I stop altogether. Then I have a hard time bouncing back and trying again. I just don't know what to do.

Somehow, I thought things were going to be a bit easier once I graduate but obviously it just got harder. I guess it's just reality... or maybe I could blame the steady decline of the economy for my being unemployed until now. Sometimes I just wish I got a VISA so that I'd have an excuse for not having a job.

This sucks big time.

HOUSE HUNTING

And so it begins.

This is the fifth time that Alex and I have done this and it never gets any easier. It's so difficult to look for a decent place to rent these days, one that you can actually call a "home" and is priced within your budget. It's all the more difficult now because there are a lot of people who, like us, have fallen victims to Ondoy's wrath and are house hunting, too. As expected, rent is more expensive these days. Some people really know how to take advantage of other people's misery. I could only sigh in exasperation... there are so many things we need to take care of, to consider, to pay for. It makes me tired just to think about it.

If you do not happen to have any experience in looking for a house, let me give you a few tips on what to look for or ask about in a potential home based from my own experience...

1. Accessibility. It should not be so far from your workplace/school or at least it should be easy enough for you to get a ride to work/school from where you live.

2. Location. It would be an advantage if there is a sari-sari store, drugstore, convenience store, hospital and market near the place.

3. Check the neighborhood and your neighbors. I'm sure you wouldn't want to live next to someone who plays loud music all day long... or in a neighborhood where theft is a natural thing.

4. Plumbing, electricity, cable TV, internet accessibility and network signal.

5. Clothesline and laundry area. While you're at it, ask whether the sun shines in that area, too.

6. Ask why the previous tenant (if there was) left. Heaven knows what happened in that place before you got to it.

7. Check for drips (sink, roof, etc.) and drainage.

8. Ask whether the place gets flooded and check if there are any bodies of water nearby. I learned this last and learned it the hard way.

So far, those are the basic things I look out for when in search of a new home. Keep in mind that these guidelines are subject to change depending on your needs and demands. As for me, I need to figure out where I am going to look at next... it's another long and tedious journey.

...HOME?

How is it possible to feel so out of place in the home I grew up in, with the family I will always belong to?

I guess it's just me... I've grown so used to the independent life I've been living for almost 3 years now that my stay here is proving to be difficult for me, in some ways. Don't get me wrong though. I love spending time here and I am well taken care of... but at the end of the day, I just feel a little sad. Straying from my comfort zone is not the best thing and I am hoping that things will start to become normal again soon.

I can feel an avalanche of CHANGE coming again. It seems as though everything is changing around me and yet I'm still in the same place I've always been. And I feel I've written these words before. That's how stagnant I have become.

What's next, only God knows. But I am hoping my future begins soon. Until then, I'll be enjoying the present.

STILL BLESSED

It's been a week since typhoon Ondoy came uninvited to us and still, so many people are suffering from its disturbance. And now, I am feeling the chill of typhoon Pepeng... I just hope and pray that it's not half as bad as what last week's typhoon brought us.

It's been almost a week since we've decided to evacuate our place because of the flood. Last time we went there, the water somewhat subsided... but I've just received news that it's up again. I hope it doesn't get worse than that. With the way things are going, I'm guessing we'll be moving yet again. Oh, here come the expenses and hassle once more.

On a lighter note, today is Kathy's birthday! And last night, instead of our usual weekend coffee we decided to stay over at her place to welcome her day... instant UBE! We had so much fun... it was one hell of a food trip. Busog sa tyan, busog sa kwento at mas busog sa tawa! Almost everyone was there... only Alex wasn't. 'Twas sad... but then, maybe she'll be there next week for Ate Valine's birthday. It still makes me smile, thinking about what a great time we had last night.

And today, I spent the day with Alex. I am overflowing with happiness. I fell for the millionth time today. You know how you look at someone and suddenly it's like you're looking at that person with brand new eyes and you just can't help falling in love again.I just feel so lucky to be able to feel this way. So smitten.

I am hoping and looking forward to another great week. Let's pray there will be no more disasters...